


May the Fourth (Be With You)

by starlight_and_seafire



Series: Holiday Road [6]
Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Modern AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-04
Updated: 2019-05-04
Packaged: 2020-02-25 22:29:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,148
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18710962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starlight_and_seafire/pseuds/starlight_and_seafire
Summary: The first time he notices that something’s going on, it’s a rainy Sunday afternoon and he had just woken up from a nap. He doesn’t like the way her shoulders seem weighed down or the way her smiles are a bit more fleeting. She’s his sunshine. It’s killing him to see her so unhappy.But he’s got a plan.





	May the Fourth (Be With You)

The first time he notices that something’s going on, it’s a rainy Sunday afternoon and he had just woken up from a nap. Still exceptionally groggy, he stumbles out of the bedroom in a pair of soft sleep pants, scratching a hand through his hair on his way to the kitchen for some coffee, when he sees her.

She’s sitting on the window seat, gazing out the window while Beebee sits curled up in her lap. She doesn’t notice him standing there, so he takes the opportunity to just _look_. She’s stunningly beautiful - she always is - but there’s something pensive and almost a little sad etched on her face at that moment.

The moment passes before he knows it, and she turns and sees him, the sadness fading away only to be replaced by her lovely, teasing smile. “Good evening, sleepyhead.”

He can’t resist smiling back. “Good evening, sweetheart.” He putters over and drops a kiss on her forehead, enjoying the way she cranes her head upwards for it and the little hum of pleasure she makes in response. “Everything alright?”

She gazes up at him and nods slowly. “Yeah. Everything’s alright.”

After several months of dating, he knows she’s not hiding anything really, but that she just likes to process things herself first. She’s intensely private and more used to figuring things out herself first instead of relying on anyone else, so he doesn’t press the issue. He respects her and her privacy too much. He knows she’ll come to him whenever she’s ready. “I’m getting some coffee. You want anything?”

“Cup of tea?”

“A cup of tea coming right up,” he replies, heading into the kitchen to make the drinks, wondering what could possibly have made her look like that.

\--

A week later they’re sprawled out on the couch, Rey’s legs across his lap as they watch Monty Python. The remains of their popcorn and candy lay strewn on the coffee table, and he thinks it couldn’t have been a more perfect night.

So when there’s a particularly funny moment that practically causes him to double over in laughter, he’s a little startled to see that Rey lays there, an arm resting behind her head as she stares up at the ceiling.

She catches his eye a moment later and the smile she gives him says that she knows she’s been caught.

He can’t help but again ask, “Everything alright?”

“It will be,” she replies as she stretches a hand out towards him. He takes it and she pulls him down to her, arching her neck up until she meets his lips in a kiss.

They break apart with a sigh a moment later, and she squirms around until her back is pressed against his chest. They return to the movie, even as he presses a kiss into her hair and worries.

\--

He doesn’t like the way her shoulders seem weighed down recently or the way her smiles are a bit more fleeting. She’s his sunshine. It’s killing him to see her so unhappy.

But now he has a plan.

First up: he readies Netflix on the television and stashes cartons of Ben & Jerry’s in the freezer. Then he sets out her favorite pajamas and more than a few of the extra blankets they have stashed around the house. She likes to retreat – to nest, really – when she’s upset and in need of comfort.

He hopes that this begins to help set things right.

At first, the way she wraps the blankets around them and cuddles into his side makes him think his aim was true.

But later, she lets out a heavy sigh into his shoulder and he knows he’s still got work to do.

\--

Next, he takes her on a trip to the planetarium. It was a rainy weekend, and if they were going to be stuck inside, he thinks that at least they could be exploring the stars.

He didn’t expect her to get so quiet afterwards.

When they got home, she kissed him on the cheek and went to take a nap.

He sits at the kitchen table, chin in his hands, and wonders where it went wrong.

\--

Then there’s flowers and a Wonder Woman action figure left for her in the kitchen.

She buries her nose in the motely collection of flowers and takes a long sniff before breathing out slowly. For the first time in several days, she looks content.

When she comes to wrap her arms around him, rocking them aimlessly back and forth in a long hug, he thinks that for the first time in several days, he’s content too.

\--

On a random Saturday evening in early May, there are take out containers sitting on the coffee table while some random movie plays on the television. She has her feet in his lap and her laptop resting on her stomach while he scrolls through his phone.

In short, it’s quiet. Peaceful.

So, he’s not expecting it when he notices her staring at him, turns to see those large doe eyes of hers gazing up at him before they drop down to look at her laptop and then back at him.

This time, she doesn’t avoid a conversation. She just sits up and slips the computer into his lap. She rests her head on his shoulder and says, “I received this a few days ago.”

His eyes drop down to the laptop. The bolded subject line, “Congratulations on your admission!” jumps out of the screen at him.

He knew she had been applying for fellowships, the intensely competitive field of aerospace engineering demanding nothing less from those who study the subject, who seek to take the field further than it’s ever gone before.

He gasps in elation, absolutely ecstatic that she secured a spot. It’s wonderful news and he’s thrilled for her, she absolutely deserves this, no question about that. He gasps out her name, one arm cradling the laptop to secure it from falling to the floor while the other urges her up into a hug. It’s an awkward position, him halfway leaning over her while she’s almost folded in half, but he doesn’t mind, he just rains kisses down onto her cheeks and into her hair while she giggles.

Rey’s brilliant, one of the brightest minds he’s ever encountered, and a quick learner to boot. He knows her mind is hungry for more information, and with her skills, she would be a top candidate for any open fellowship spot.

So it’s not surprising that she was accepted into the top fellowship program in the country.

Halfway across the country.

He didn’t miss that key piece of information, but that doesn’t matter right now. Right now he just needs to tell his girlfriend how _brilliant_ and _absolutely amazing_ she is, how he can’t wait to see how she’ll change the world.

They can figure out the rest later.

\--

Now that he pretty much knows why she hasn’t been smiling as much as usual (and he missed those bright, absolutely incandescent smiles of hers), he thinks they can work on the next step together.

He’s a little upset with himself when he realizes he missed an important point.

His bold and often brash girlfriend, who grew up lonely and became more than a little self-reliant as a result, seemed even sadder when he pulled up apartment listings in the new city.

“This one has a pool. Oh! What about this one? It’s got a private balcony, maybe you could do one of those cool balcony gardens,” he says as he scrolls down the website.

She peeks up over the edge of her book, humming a little in reply.

“This one’s nice,” he says, as he clicks on the next listing. “It’s got extra kitchen space and the price is good. But it’s about half an hour away from the work site, so maybe not?”

“Maybe not,” she says, and her voice is a little wane, a little quieter than he’d expect. Beebee wanders over to the couch, flopping down so his belly rests right beneath Rey’s hand. She reaches down and scratches it, earning a happy huff from the squirming corgi which causes a soft smile to appear on Rey’s face.

Well, Beebee has always been one way to perk her up. The next apartment listing will hopefully help her, too. “Oh wow, this one is amazing. Full kitchen, outdoor patio, and there’s a large fenced in yard in the middle of the complex that they use as a dog park. Beebee would love that, wouldn’t you buddy,” he says, grinning down at the happy dog and over at Rey.

The dog just wiggles in response, still enthusiastic about all the attention he’s been getting from his two favorite people.

Rey, on the other hand, bursts out crying.

That . . . is not the reaction he was expecting.

He fumbles for something to say, quickly moving to set the laptop down and grasp her hand in his own. Her other hand comes up to her face, wiping at it with her sleeve.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” she apologizes over and over, her voice thick with emotion. “I didn’t mean to just start crying.”

Poe shakes his head fervently, already upset that _she’s_ upset, and then her apologizing just makes his heart clench even harder in agony. “No, sweetheart, cry if you need to. It’s okay to cry,” he says, and he moves until he’s lying down next to her. She pushes in close, tucking her face into the space between his chin and shoulder, hiding away. He knows there’s going to be a wet spot on his t-shirt but he doesn’t care, just does his best to run a soothing hand up and down her spine while he whispers what he hopes are comforting words into her ear.

Minutes later the worst of the crying subsides and her breathing evens out, with only a few sniffles and hiccups here and there. He decides to take a chance on asking her the question, hoping that it won’t set off another crying jag. “You want to tell me what’s going on? It’s okay if you don’t, but maybe I can help you. I just don’t want to see you hurting like this anymore.”

She’s quiet for a long moment before she says, her voice thick, “Maybe,” before pausing to clear her throat. “Maybe I shouldn’t take the fellowship?”

Of all the things she could have said, that’s so far down the list he had never even contemplated it. “What do you mean? You’re brilliant, just so amazing, and it’s such a fantastic opportunity. Why wouldn’t you take it?”

“It’s so far away.”

“I know a move that big can be scary, but you’re so, so strong. And I think you’ll love the city and the program, and the flights between here and there aren’t too expensive so you’ll be able to visit Finn and Rose and-”

She’s starting to tremble again, and he knows that she’s on the verge of tears once more. He’s not sure what to do. He just feels so helpless.

She clutches him a little tighter and presses her cold nose into his neck, and she mumbles it so quietly that he almost misses it.

“I don’t want to leave here. I don’t want to leave you.”

His brain stutters to a halt and all he can think is _What?_ His mouth doesn’t come up with anything better either. “What?”

She draws in a shaky breath and he can feel her face scrunch up – in pain or concentration he doesn’t know – before she says, her voice quiet, “I don’t want to leave you. I know you’re just trying to help me look for a place to live, but I want to stay here with you. And I don’t understand how it’s so easy for you,” and the words start coming a little faster and her voice gets a little higher, and he’s growing more and more horrified as understanding starts dawning on him, “I don’t understand how you can get rid of me so easily. You just keep scrolling through apartments-”

_Oh, god. Oh, god._ “Rey, Rey, Rey,” he chants, never wanting to interrupt his girlfriend when she’s speaking, at least not until now when he needs to stop this downward spiral she’s in, not when she’s got it so very, _very_ wrong. “Rey, no, that’s not it at all.” He smooths a hand over her hair before pressing a kiss just above her ear. “I’m not getting rid of you. I would _never_. I’m by your side forever, until _you_ get rid of _me._ You’re stuck with me, sweetheart.”

“But it’s halfway across the country,” she says, sniffling.

“I know. I was thinking I could come with you? If you wanted that too, that is,” he says, suddenly uncertain. This whole misunderstanding has left him feeling wrongfooted. “Or we could do the long-distance thing, if you’d prefer-”

And this time he’s the one who’s interrupted, her head shaking back and forth where it rests beneath his chin. “No. No, I want you to come with me.”

He can’t help the urge to press another kiss into her hair, before whispering in her ear, “And I will. I’ll be right there beside you, no matter what. All that matters - all that I need - is to be with you.”

A long moment passes, neither of them speaking as they lay there holding each other. He keeps rubbing her back, a gentle up and down motion, and her grip on his shirt slowly becomes a little more relaxed as her trembling finally subsides.

He wonders how long she’s been keeping this fear hidden inside. He knows she’s seemed broody, sometimes even upset, recently. He knows she started applying for fellowships months ago, knows that the first round of acceptances had just started going out in the last few weeks, remembers her looking at her laptop and phone much more frequently lately. He figures it must have been her checking her email.

He knows that with her past she might not have even considered that someone might actually stick by her side through both a big move and a big life change (knows that, besides Finn and Rose, no one has really stuck by her side through anything, really).

His heart aches for her. He chastises himself, tells himself he should have caught on sooner, should have understood that she might not think someone would want to stay by her side, that someone might willingly come along with her just to be with her.

Her voice breaks through his own spiraling thoughts. “But what about you? And what about your dad? You would be moving so far away from him. I know you two are close.”

“Yeah, we are, sweetheart. But that’s alright. There are phones and Skype, and he likes traveling. And we’re going to a big city with a big airport. And I’m a pilot, I can work from almost anywhere. I can go back into cargo or go work for one of the big airlines, doesn’t matter really. Plus, I get free flights, makes it easy to come back for visits.”

“And what about Finn and Rose?” She asks tentatively.

With that question, he thinks he might have convinced her that he’s here for the long haul, hopes that her fears that he would leave her for whatever reason are finally dwindling. And he’s glad that she seems to be talking about her fears and concerns more freely as they continue the conversation.

“I have no doubt Finn and Rose would be frequent visitors to wherever you are whenever you want them. And you can come up and visit them whenever you want to or need a break.”

She huffs out a sardonic laugh. “That seems like a little more than I can afford with the fellowship money.”

He shrugs, at least as much as he can with her cradled in his arms. “I can get discount rates for a plus one. Sometimes even free flights. And I’ll still be working.”

“I don’t need your money,” she says.

“I know you don’t _need_ it. But we’re in this together, remember?”

He makes a note to himself that he’ll need to pay attention in the next couple of months, watch to see if – well, when, really – she needs to see Finn and Rose. It might be easier to surprise her with tickets the first few times instead of expecting his fiercely independent girlfriend to ask for help covering the cost. He knows the fellowship doesn’t exactly pay well.

They cuddle a while longer, and even Beebee jumps up on the couch, doing his best to nestle in between their legs, only partly succeeding as most of his body remains sprawled on top of them. He wishes they could have avoided this whole mess, knows that if they had been clearer in communicating with each other from the beginning that they could have prevented this from ever becoming a problem. But he knows that this hit her where she was most vulnerable, and that she was still learning how to trust and let herself be unguarded with another person.

He briefly thinks of the ring resting on his chest, knows that one day its going to end up on her finger if she’ll have him. If he’s being honest with himself, he’s known that from the start.

He’s been thinking more and more often of asking her. He’s just waiting for the right time. He expects it to be sooner rather than later.

He knows this is absolutely the wrong time, though. With all the major changes coming up, it’ll probably be the wrong time for a while. But one day, soon, he’ll get down on a knee and profess his undying love to her and give her his mother’s ring. Or maybe he’ll bring her breakfast in bed, and while she’s distracted by pancakes and bacon, he’ll have Beebee run in, the ring hanging from his collar and along with it a handwritten love letter asking her if she’ll make him the happiest man alive.

Or maybe it won’t be any of the above, but no matter what, it’ll still be the perfect moment, because it’ll be her and, wherever she is, it’s absolutely perfect to him.

He can tell she’s dozing off. Her eyes have long since fallen closed and her breathing is evening out into something soft and gentle. He settles down a little more, still holding her close, and whispers “I love you” into her ear.

He feels more than hears her response, a soft fluttering of her lips against his neck before they ease into a gentle smile.

One day soon he’ll ask her to make it official. Until then, he’ll just have to keep showing her that all he wants is to be with her.


End file.
